Tuesday, June 19, 2012

George Carlin says...

'I call this piece: advertising. Quality, value, style, service, selection, convenience, economy, savings performance, experience, hospitality, low rates, friendly service, name brands, easy terms, affordable prices, money back guarantee, free installation, free admission, free appraisal, free alterations, free delivery, free estimates, free home trial, and free parking. No cash? No problem. No kidding, no fuss, no muss, no risk, no obligation, no red tape, no hidden charges, no down payment, no entry fee, no purchase necessary, no one will call on you, no payments or interest til December, and no parking. Limited time only though, so act now, order today, send no money, offer good while supplies last, two to a customer, each item sold separately, batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final, allow 6 weeks for delivery, some items not available, some assembly required, some restrictions may apply. Shop by mail, order by phone, try it in your home, get one for your car, all entries become our property, employees not eligible, entry fees not refundable, local restrictions apply, void where prohibited, except in Indiana. So come on in, come on in for a free demonstration,  and a free consultation with our friendly professional staff. Our courteous and knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a selection that's just right for you, and just right for your budget. Say, don't forget to pick up your free gift. A classic, deluxe, custom designer, luxury, prestige, high quality, premium, select, gourmet pocket flashlight. And, and if you act now, we'll include an extra, added, free, complimentary,  bonus gift: a classic deluxe custom designer, luxury, prestige, high quality, premium, select, gourmet leather-style wallet, with detachable keychain, and a pencil holder. It's our way of saying thank you. And, if you're not completely satisfied, you pay nothing, simply return the un-used portion for a full refund,  no questions asked, it's our way of saying thank you, keep your free gift. Actually, it's our way of saying: Bend over just a little further, and let us stick this big dick into your ass a little bit deeper.'

- George Carlin (40 Years of Comedy, 1997)

Note: He said all of this without missing a beat. This man is a legend and I'm still sad about his passing. And yes, I listened and typed all of this out. So worth it for that punchline.

1 comment:

  1. Fantastic! Thanks for writing it all out