Friday, July 13, 2012

Chow Chu says...

'Then, continue to stir the onions over medium-high heat, adding two tea-spoons of brown sugar. Then scrape off the browned bits in the pan frequently until it has caramelized. Now, we add bay leaves and the chicken, or, in this case, we would add the chicken, if it was legal and available. Instead, substitute a fourteen ounce can of PoultFree's chicken-flavored, naturally. And stir. And.....look, no matter how I spin this, or disguise the flavor, the end result is still going to taste like boiled ass compared to how it's supposed to. I'm supposed to stand here and pretend this sad crap is actually tolerable, when in fact it's barely freaking edible! There was never any bird flu. The government tells you there was, and they are lying. No disrespect to the people who died, but this was never about birds. The government has an agenda, and the bird flu hoax is at the heart of it. It's all bullshit! Every word the President said is a goddamn lie. Screw him, screw the senate, screw the congress, and screw every goddamn liar is Washington for ratifying a constitutional amendment based on lies, miserable FUCK!'

-Chow Chu (on his televised cooking show, Issue 1, from 'Taster's Choice' arc, written by John Layman, Chew, 2009)

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