Sunday, December 16, 2012

Excerpt from 'Ensemble' (2): Mephis Mayfire in 'Trailer Park Pushers'

Okay, so now I'm going to let you in on an old Hollywood secret, a super hush-hush kind of deal. Heck, if I hadn't been a part of the whole scheme, I'd never believe it in a trillion years. This is how urban legends get spread around, like a bad STD, but this one is true, and I'm not just saying that. I do dirty things, but lying isn't one of them. So those in the know, the gossipers, they have names for us, they have a name for the whole process. We were called 'pushers', 'poppers', 'carriers', 'vessels', 'baby makers', 'ovens', 'warmers', 'stuffers', and on and on and on. We could do it because we were shadows, never in the public eye, our names never even known. Let's just say, if God's intended the meaning of life to be reproduction, these Hollywood types took it very literally. I'm sure someone up there in an office in the sky knows, but I've never been told exactly who was the brains behind the whole scheme. An agent? Someone at the studio? An actor, an actress? Director? Who the heck knows, but they made me rich.

Okay, enough foreplay, here goes: You've got these famous celebrity couples, right? Media darlings, with their cute mish-mash nicknames, all over the TV and magazines until the next even cuter couple steals the spotlight. At some point, inevitably, she gets pregnant, right? It's good for the storylines, good for the chatter, and great for photo ops. What do I know, maybe they're really in love and want themselves a real family, like in those sitcoms we grew up believing in. Yeah, right. Anyways, these teenie-weenie itty-bitty actress chicks, who don't even do their own nails, who are spoonfed day to night, these empty-headed starlets are expected to carry around a human life, right in their tightly toned tummies. We all take it for granted, when a headline tells us that a celebrity couple is now expecting a will-be childstar of their very own. Here's what I know, my favourite part, the money shot: In most of these cases, what you see on the red carpet, on the talk shows, in those photo spreads, is all Bullshit. Those 'pregnant' stars are doing what they do best, faking it. Their adorable baby bump is really just a prop, artificial, a trick.

So who's really carrying around these babies? I'll tell you. Miles away, in a town you've never heard of, in a sea of dirt and canned food and metal boxed called 'homes', there's a sixteen year old girl carrying around that celebrity child. You don't know she exists. It's simple, when a couple's agent is ready for them to have a child, he places a discreet phone call. The actor makes a deposit, the actress gets fitted for a fake preggo-stomach, and the 'pusher' takes a trip to a clinic you'll never be able to find on a map and gets herself a bundle of joy, more like a 9-month chore. This happens more than you'll ever guess and the benefits are many, for everyone involved.

The other part that nobody acknowledges, that you'll never read about in the tabloids, is how heart-breakingly terrible it is to have your newborn shipped off to Hollywood before you can even see it's face. The cheque that replaces it sure does help, but I've always wondered to myself if it's really worth it, if I did some good, or if I was just used up. To this day, I still flip through old magazines and study the facial features of those perfect little celebrity babies, hoping to find some resemblance, to be able to point at that tiny angel and say, 'that was mine, once'. At 16, getting plugged up with a baby just sounded like a weird way to make enough money to feed your family for a year. At 16 and 10 months, you're wondering what kind of mother you could have been. In my heart, I know how I could have loved that child as more than just an accessory to go with my fame.

(End of Excerpt)

This is original writing from a novel-in-progress titled Ensemble. Please credit this work to the creator, Chessterr Hollowberry. Thanks!

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